i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I want to make a zoo with you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
