Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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