I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
