I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
