Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
