I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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