awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The adults are the big ones right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
