Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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