Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize