Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
