What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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