yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
