I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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