batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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