I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
