DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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