So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
