hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
