It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
God I need to hump something, right now.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
