I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You pole danced in your parka.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
