i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
