She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
