ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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