I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
