smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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