Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
