I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
