So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
