I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
