Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
