True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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