dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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