I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize