It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize