somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize