Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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