Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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