dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
