I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
