Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
