Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
