next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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