We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
