my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
