She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
