everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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