I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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