he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
