I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
