She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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