I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
