Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
