Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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