We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
