So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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