Who wears a wallet chain?!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
