New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
