my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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