hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
babies were throwing up all over the place
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
