I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
