so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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