Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
